By Alejandro N. Marrero
Reality in High Definition by Alejandro N. Marrero March 2012
Looking around nothings familiar and yet I continue falling forward into my day. Maybe today will be different.
Maybe today I’ll want to stay.
The doors open, I step down shedding myself of the moments I was the passenger. That bus to nowhere.
That daily grind for the color green that’s more pain than gain.
It never changes and like your mantra it’s my fault anyways.
A Misty avalanche to drown me in.
It’s always the same even when I’m dry as I shelter myself from getting wavy.
Heat and clamps to make this straight.
All the trouble to be myself but you hate me anyways.
Butch it up for the republican agenda.
Magazines and celebrities to injure self esteem.
To keep your interest but you look the other direction.
Always someone else you dream I could be.
Time to quicken my steps and run from my shadow.
Somehow it’s never far away.
I stop as the world keeps moving around me and in my heart I’m drowning from invisible tears as I open yet another door the keys so heavy.
An enigmatic agenda.
There’s nothing different about this space and yet it’s not my city.
A tired reminder of everything I could of been and lost with him.
Testing this tether maybe I’ll be let loose long enough to play.
Moment over, iridescent bubbles broken as palm trees fade from my memory.
Reality in high definition.
Another couple hundred miles in the opposite direction of my wishes just to swim in yours.
Why’s it always your decision.
I’m to blame.
You promised pink so I took down my walls for a contemporary feng shui and now you own the place.
A decade of following without a place to plant these seeds.
Grant me fertile soil a guarantee for roots and the conditions for fruit but the sand is fake.
It’s a struggle in the wrong polarity.
My compass broken and the mirror reflects a ghost of what I could of been. Identity lost, no its been stolen by Adonis.
Given to him in vain.
Will there be anything left when you throw me away.
Years ripped from my aura in the cleverest of ways.
Alone in my thoughts I pour you a glass of my honesty to serve in the most delicate of ways.
A formal setting for I love you so.
I watch as you take a drink of my heart then leave me alone with the dishes.
By the way we’re doing this tomorrow.
Thanks so glad to be of service.
Such a polite choice.
Place a mask of happiness when they hate me no matter how hard i try.
I guess you want your quarters worth for this neon punching bag.
Great I’m blue and you keep handing me your reds.
There’s nothing I can do but give you feathers.
Tickle your ego and pretend its all okay.
I move mountains for a smile while walking on the thinnest ice.
A white flag tattooed to my heart and your wearing my defeat with pride.
A shield of arrogance in the house of false nobles.
Will the peasant survive your reign.
You’ve broken a gift but hey it was free anyways.
Spent my life savings on it but you want something else today.
I’m feeling courage in my sadness.
Planning my escape to a possible freedom.
Ouch this leash is on tight.
Maybe I can pick the lock or roll a rogue to stealth away to liberty.
Find a method to my means.
But the threat of pain keeps me here.