I’m wicked tired. With reason too! Slept three hours last night. Seems like I can’t catch a break. I’ve going to do a guided sleep meditation in a few minutes again. Tried once but I didn’t get more than a the briefest nap ever. I need at least two to three more hours to cancel out this sleep debt and I am determined to get them.

I’ll go through the motions and light my Tibetan Buddhist monastery incense. Something about it’s earthiness calms me. Then I’ll take the NoctoRest drops of Valerian, And other sedating herbs then hopefully sleep will find me after I meditate. I really want a day to just enjoy myself but instead I’ve been obsessively working on proof reading my book from beginning to end. Making edits as I go. It’s tedious but it’s what we have to do when we self publish.

Writing is easy for me. Wish life was easier too. I sometimes feel so useless like i don’t contribute enough. I understand I’m impaired and disabled according to physicians but still want to contribute more in life than being a housekeeper. That’s why my book is so important to me. It will be published and it can grant me passive income. Hopefully all my ocd reading and writing of it will lower the expenses of getting an editor to polish it. As they can be expensive and I have trust issues.

My grammar isn’t great though so it may be needed. The plan is to be done proofreading and editing my book by this weekend then printing some manuscripts and getting betta readers to read them and see what they think.

For now I’m going to try and put the book down since I’ve been working on it since 2am on three hours of sleep and need to try that guided sleep hypnosis again and meditate. Naps hard to achieve but the only thing that could keep me running.

Also thinking of getting a King Size bed that’s firm. I only nap on floor so it might help to have a firm bed.

Anyhow be well wish me zen and zzz and an easy day.

Thekindgardener

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