No surprise I fell asleep late and woke up early. It’s something I do not do voluntarily but none the less it’s true. I like peaceful Sundays all the way till Thursdays. Days there’s habits and routines. Quiet solitudes to help the mind stay stiller. I don’t need the days to be full. I fill them anyways with things I’d rather not do. Too tired to do. For one I’d love to be asleep. But I’m broken and it takes everything for me to even eat. I’m always tired for I never sleep. It’s become my small amounts of rinses and then repeats. Insomnia, Nightmares, Flashbacks and no cash backs. I wish i could rewrite the last. Be the guy that was stronger and built to last. The sun won’t shine for hours still but here I am writing to keep me still. I’ll do everything right, kind and true. Yet nothing helps but naps in solitude. Even then they’re hard to find. I’ll lay still to settle my mind. Breathing mindfully to inhaling in and out. Anything to prevent my minds shouts. However it’s a fifty fifty I still won’t sleep. My day tortured by headaches, aches and no energy so to speak. I want the Sunday’s Monday’s and all the fundays because no one notices most my pains. When their gone, not near and far away. Silence doesn’t threaten me it helps consoles and has no triggers on the regular though it still happens often enough anyways. I want to be more than the sum of my parts but really all of us have been this from the start. My gaze looks further and further away. To places where people refuse to stay. Where it’s too far to see my pain everyday so I can be a mess with less stress and pass this challenging life test. Most people look at or read me in concern but there’s nothing they can do but learn. I’m not something that any weekend fixes. I do however miss the silence I found common in all my fixes. Even if the quiet doesn’t always grant me sleep. It’s at least let’s me try and sometimes it keeps. I’ve nothing more to say. I’ve ran out of words so all that’s left is to pray. So I’m praying for quiet Sunday’s and the weeks return. So I can stick to a schedule the weekends love to burn. I live in the reds.

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