By Alejandro N. Marrero 1/12/2020
I wake up so fast
from wicked dreams that never last
that make this very heart beast fast
Why does it have to be so early?
Quickly drinking water for I’m thirsty.
It’s clever hydrating firstly.
It’s a constant struggle you see
The ups and downs of never being free
The endless purchases of sleepy tea.
But at least I know you love me.
I’m broken inside but at least you’re always at my side.
That two am struggle.
I’m lost in dark forest jungles.
Thorns piercing deeply into my sides
Body shaking past my thighs. Restless leg syndrome ever so high
My mind endlessly wandering
Alone in a scary fogs of pondering
Thoughts barking from left or right
Always leaving me in fright or flight.
And yes I know I’ll be alright.
It will pass as sure as this night.
Yet I wake up so fast
from dreams that never last
And please don’t laugh because my heart really is beating that fast
My mind was breached by night and full
To the point it’s been painful
My lack of sleep so wasteful.
When I’m overwhelmed
Stressed and drenched in sweat
I feel I’ve lost the bet
Why riddle myself with lies of peaceful sleep to try and rest again.
When it’s wakeful moonlight above me always in the end.
Like bamboo I too can bend.
Still Exhaustion takes its toll
It’s always more than I can afford
Yet it keeps the words flowing
My pen making it all knowing
The nightmares are in my head
They happen at night in our bed
I wake up full of fright
My body aching from losing those fights
Will I never know peace?
Will my mind ever settle in blissful ease?
For there’s a war inside my mind
It thunders louder each time
It coalesces into storms
That leave me broken, beaten and torn.
Still you stay by my side and I never wonder why.
Even when I know you’re shy.
Always and forever
You’d never leave me no not ever.
Even though I can’t sleep in the dark
You let me keep our lights on.
It’s a comfort not all know.
That while this heart shutters and cracks show.
I’ve got two heart beats in our bed.
One a constant stable and one transiently gripped in dread.
Two however is better than one.
Even if the goal is eight.
With you I can and always relate. Even if I never get the hours as of late.
So I keep quiet on my side.
For both our sakes.
Even while riddled with shakes from sleeps demise
Dreams vivid in all their horrible horrible lies.
Awakened here in our bed with eyes open I lie.
For you look so peaceful each time I wake.
A reason to survive this mental earthquake.
Waking from dreams that take most under
It’s good to see you there free from all my thunder.
Seeing you’re real and even tired there’s a comfort there.
A sliver of hope the nightmares can’t keep their dares.
And though I envy your calm
And my heart beats so fast and strong
I don’t mind eating all the bad dreams
For your peace is always worth it
Even if my mind doesn’t work yet.
So here I am awake again
A Two A.M. wake from nightmares in my head.
With my heart still beating fast
At least I know we’ll always last.
Just let me keep the light on.
And yes I really am that thirsty.