The Heart of Winter
By Alejandro N. Marrero 1/13/2020
W inter is here and I’m barely alone.
The ground isn’t even frozen like the January’s we’ve known.
It feels like a Fall
Though I sit before I do
And for once stop thinking this is about you.
I write and I read
Sit and with no visible wounds still bleed
Yet it’s not winter enough to prevent the sweats
My body aching with past traumatic regrets
We ask ourselves why
Why’s it always this way
Wouldn’t need to answer if I was further away
I’d sit in the silence my favorite sound
On a perch up high where no ones around
I’d climb a new mountain in search of some space
So I can fall apart with dignity and yes even grace
Yet life gives us tethers that bind us down
Planting us firmly into common ground
Keeps us always coming right on back.
It will be fine they slap on our backs.
Winter is here and I am alone
Alone as stone perched high on that peak
Hush now it’s better if we don’t speak
I think it would hurt if I climbed up to try
But tears dry quicker when you’re up so high
So I sit on a boulder alone with my thoughts
Ranting and raving for the shivers to stop
At least from the view on my mountain top
No one can see any tears as they drop
Wrapped up basics to keep myself warm
I brace for the impending winter storm
When the weather clears and the sun kisses the sky
I’ll huff and puff and wonder again why
Did my past life have debt to pay in this one
Or is life a game I’ve rarely won
I sit down and suffer till it’s all come undone.
When the panic is gone and my pangs are for food
I’ll climb myself down in search for fuel
By the time I touch ground from way above
I’ll keep missing my spot looking for the white dove
Winter is here and my hearts turned to stone
At least that’s the remedy from being born.
So I’ll go to the doctor and the write it out
Giving my spark that epic timeout.
Does it matter as long as you sleep?
The headaches the nausea the blurred vision
It’s worth it all if it completes the mission
It won’t stop it all for there is no cure
But with my head on a pillow I can endure
Sedated purposely to hide winters shakes
I’ll lie still in my bed till everyone wakes
When finally the sun does rise
I hope I’ve slept through the tears in my eyes