Looks like art but that’s a medicine ingested about an hour ago. Yes yes it may take weeks to work but seriously with a tolerance so low you’d think I’d be Drooling 🤤 sleep and slow. Yeah but no. Instead I’m laying in bed with my phone on dark mode wondering when it will affect my head.

Still it’s odd I’d think it would hit by now. Make me dizzy and want to fall down. Maybe I ate too much chefboyardee? Or maybe it’s not working for me. I don’t know. I don’t even understand why i rhyme so much. Is it too much? I once liked being touched.

Anyways I’ve got the tea and incense the mantras and the setting just right just waiting for the new meds to kick me into a goodnight.

Sometimes I worry I’m saying something will think is offensive. Yet really I’m offended by my own senses. I’m clearly broken and fantastically flawed but no one cares unless that’s slings on your arm.

Sigh well one thing is true. I’m up and down so much I’ve no idea what to do.

So I write and I browse and wait for a sign. One that says stop it’s working slow down. Yet I’m not feeling anything and I thought I’d be dizzy at least or maybe I’m just afraid if I close my eyes breathe mindfully I’ll actually fall asleep and then wake up with a headache nightmares and a loud heart beat.

Idk webMD makes us all feel like we’re dying but I’m sitting here and yup my teeth grinding.

Talked to my husband in front of our fish tank about nonsense and brain vomited words because well he’s a saint and loves me even when I’m having a moment or just effing insane.

Is it wrong i want to take these linens and try napping on the floor again? It’s spacious cornered and protected from most sides good for my back hips and shoulders.

Trying to reverse years of bad posture by laying down flat but really I just prefer meditation on my back. I don’t toss or turn I stay perfectly still even if I’ll get the weirdest itch between my fingers I’ll not move a muscle. Sink down and breathe mindfully following the hypnosis guide then wake up drooling on my side.

Alright well it’s late even though I think the tv stills airing a debate. But that’s not my thing I rather be sleeping as long as nightmares don’t come a creeping.

Still I’m mad thought this medicine would act fast instead it’s almost midnight and I’m not tired at all and wake up usually two hours from now.

Fml I hope I sleep. Pass the heck out for weeks upon weeks. Hibernate like a bear and wake up fresh as spring but hey only honey i have is in my tea and I’ve yet to stop grinding my teeth.

Three weeks they say then I’ll be more balanced and centered. It’s been an our and I am wide awake. Unsettled and anxious because I know with headaches I’ll wake.

Well ignore all of this maybe I’ll actually sleep but I’m keeping this post up cause I’m unedited unscripted and determined to be real.

Also I’m forgetful and want to remember how i feeled.

Wish me luck and Zen and Zzzs I think I’m going to try and read then close my eyes and not be in fetal position humming but actually sleeping.

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