I can have the emo haircut but not the magical powers!

Today has been challenging but at least I’ve been handling every attack as they come without an outburst. Trust me, it’s been a panic attacks every hour kind of day. If there was a soul around I would of probably been short with them and the fuse would of been lit as I’ve felt like a tired, agitated and anxious time-bomb. We have our good days and our bad days. Today’s just been a super bad one. Everything is upsetting me. Everything hurts. My feelings and thoughts are a mess. I bet I couldn’t even do math right now that was basic.

I did meditate for 30 minutes. That was good. Then I opened up Twitter and it was covered in Political News and that got my heart accelerating again. They should ban politics from social media. Hey now don’t say it’s a free speech thing. These social media companies are private companies. They monetize after our data without sending us a check so the least they can do is provide a zone free of political stuff. Maybe a filter setting idk.

Anyways, I’ve used my daily quota of anti anxiety medication and it’s 8pm. I guess that’s fine since I like my quiet time and I’ll be able to get in bed soon. Thirty minutes till I take the regular meds. With this new caffeine free mango ginger tea for my tummy. Yup cause this weird cold had to effect not just my sinuses and give a cough but also a sensitive stomach. I probably look about how I feel.

I’ve been opening the windows to our bedroom lately because it seems to be the only room that gets over heated in house. We need a new hvac, fence, doors, windows, basement finished. Seriously lots to do but we keep telling ourselves it’s part of the thirty year plan. What’s a little bit of suffering when we rather pay off current debts first. It’s logical putting things into wants and needs.

So tomorrow I will hopefully wake up refreshed enough to be of more use than I was today. Even if I did some aquarium maintenance and work on my novel. It’s not enough. It’s days when you have so many panic attacks that you always feel like you’re not enough. It’s terrible this crippling monster that cares not about anything other than coming out forcefully to say Hi from our body and heads all the time.

It’s why I wish I lived in an epic Fantasy World. A tonic would probably fix it all up. Maybe even a keyboard command like /sleep or /heals

Alright well I’m going to continue growing out my emo hair even though I’m probably too old to rock it. But whatever it’s my style.

Time to take some medicines and hopefully sleep and wake up tomorrow with less anxiety and not so much medicine. Maybe I’ll dream good dreams. I sure hope so.

Be well everyone.

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