Because of insomnia, nightmares and dreams of course

Two hours, and that’s broken sleep of course ugh! I tell you without fail. Or at least I think I’ve told you. Honestly can’t ever remember. I’ll have okay days where I’ll sleep close to 5-7 hours then basically nothing. How have I survived this long? Ugh it’s so annoying.

One thing that sucks is the headaches. Then the blurry vision when you wake up prematurely before you’ve had enough sleep will on medication for it. Another glorious side effect? Insane hunger and upset stomach.

Yeah tired, bitchy, hangry and all that jazz. About my mood. I’d really like to throw bottles at a wall. I’d never do that because that’s wasteful and the glass would hurt if someone stepped on it but yeah. Also thought of throwing pillows every direction like a child going on a rampage or temper tantrum. A las nothing to fear pillows or objects for I’m not big on reacting. I can write to hell and back about all the urges I have but it doesn’t matter I don’t follow through. The most I’ll do is withdraw and get slightly passive aggressive if someone talks to me when I’m having a moment. Usually though I’m the guy that if you offend or piss off I smile and just grab my things and go. Maybe it’s a Buddhist thing? I don’t know. I just know there’s consequences for every action of word and deed. So silence is an armor and I’m okay with that.

Seriously tired of the not being able to plan stuff because it will get sabotaged by sleep. All the time. Oh you want to go here? Want to go there? Want to see this person? I’m always the same. Depends on wether I sleep or not. How many people are there, how far from home we will be, how long will we be there? So I made no plans for today and it’s Friday. Glad I didn’t because I haven’t slept. Meanwhile I’m wanting to start my routines and stuff for the day but I’m stuck waiting, hearing (snores) and watching my husband sleep tug away so many of the covers that he barely uses to the point I had to get my hoodie and put it on. Happy Valentine’s Day! The things we do for those we love.

I got him a short hardcover color book that has the story of us and is kind of comic like and personalized. He got me a Rose Quartz Stone Heart and an all in one Aquarium for our bedroom so We have beautiful fishies and an underwater garden to look at in room which i love!

Sigh, only three or four more hours to go till he’s awake and out the door and I can make the bed and take a nap on the floor. Or open windows and edit manuscript. But definitely red to light some incense and try a floor nap. For some reason that’s where I can sleep best. Yup the floor. I need to go on a meditation retreat or something soon. I’m going nuts.

Anyways I’m hungry and I guess writing helped. I forgot about my headache, am less angry now and though I’m starving because I’ve been awake already for several hours I’ll just deal with it for now. Sigh. I just want to sleep and not be tired all the time. Even the anxiety that’s crippling me everyday would be easier to handle with sleep. At least this way I would waste away perpetually tired.

/endinsomniarant

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