Awake Always by Alejandro N. Marrero 2/23/2020

I do everything right
Don’t quarrel or fight
Again though peace crumbles nearly every night
This sleep easily gotten by all who’ve forgotten
Is easy for most everyone even the rotten
It’s still kept inconveniently too far from me
As I lay here again, awake, with eyes blurred, hard to see

I wish I was wrong and even das uber strong
Instead I’m so damn weak because I haven’t slept long
I’m so tired it makes me crazy and fills me with aches
Restless legs and discomfortingly vapid shakes
People wish for stupid things, not me, I just wish for slumber
A restorative peace is what I seek even if it made me dumber
Instead I wake up after two short horrible hours
Sleep most definitely isn’t any bestowed powers

I know you all get tired
Of hearing me rant about what’s transpired
It’s horrible, awful, and true.
I don’t sleep like most everyone of you.
It’s not like I toss and turn
It’s just a head, bed, body and brain that burns
Frightened myself being woken by nightmares
People are sympathetic but greater are their own cares
This isn’t always true but it’s hard to trust anyone can relate
When most find sleep easy and even get to sleep in late

Two am and I’m awake with a mind that is raging
I don’t let the storm escape instead it’s inside caging
I lay as still as I possibly can
Hoping not to wake anyone else up or even stand
I’ll pick up my tablet to calm down and try and read
But nothing works to settle my needs at least not for me
Even with pills I live my live on a fuel tank near empty
Who has energy to do anything when they’re drained so utterly?
When sleep is so fleeting it messes with your memories causing you pain.
There’s so much lost and so nothing is ever gained.

I do everything right
Don’t quarrel or fight
No spirits for me yet I took the correct kind of pills
Yet still This body at night doesn’t ever seem to chill
Sleep is never in the spread of cards
It’s an effing hopeless irritatingly blindly sought cause
Yet I know it’s the answer to what I need
I just want a mind that’s pure and even pristine
With a body that’s not taken over by anxiety or stress
To find meditative balance and finally get rest
Till then I wait, awake and frustrated in bed
Waiting for room to be empty then I‘ll possibly nap on the floor instead

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