When the mind is full of turmoil and you know the path to peace you want to embark on the journey feverishly.
I had planned on going to a couple months of Buddhist solitary retreats but then the pandemic happened and Buddhist temples canceled their events.
Now I find myself watching virtual teachings and wishing I had a retreat hut in my yard and could go into solitary meditative retreat for a month with only checking from my Tibetan Buddhist lineage masters.
Spending months in isolation, with simple food. Chanting mantras till my toungue swelled and being in meditative equipoise. I guess I could by a tent and try it remotely but renunciation is a challenge without physical presences fo remind you and guide you in your contemplative journey and quest for nirvana.
One day. All I know is I wish to leave my life in the robes of a yogi and the mind of a Buddha and benefit all beings.