Solitary Surrender by Alejandro N. Marrero 4/12/2020

There’s something so solitary about my surrender
It’s my way of letting go of all the things I’ve experienced and not remember.
I start from the earthy root and trace my mind on up
It’s a visualization to keep me grounded but it’s helps me not

There’s something gracious about all encompassing silence
Where only the sensations of wind on my arms are rapt with their violence
My ways of being mortally wounded by thoughts, words and pleas
It matters not if I have company when I feverishly wish to be at ease

There’s a man in my head and he’s beautiful and was once real
I’ve made him up completely and wish I looked like him or had their appeal
Muscles without work, a tan without sun, skin smooth, soft and young.
I can’t rewind time no matter the rhyme so I’ll never be him again
But it doesn’t stop me pining for who and how beautiful I was then

There’s cracks in the mirrors not enough though to throw it away
I still see my reflection though it’s tattered, cracked and riveted doesn’t make my day
I don’t often like to be seen but I hate being alone when I finally do
Now with chains on everyone’s doors it just makes it more effervescently true

There’s something so solitary about sweet enraptured surrenders
I’ve let go of words, thoughts and things I don’t wish to remember
One day I’ll find myself outside of these thoughts that are weighing me here
Some day I’ll find why others find my words easier to pass than hold dear