Damaged Managed by Alejandro N. Marrero 5/6/2020
I’m so damaged and somehow to this very evening I still manage
Not well enough to leave at will or go places far from home
Still scared enough that my feelings push and pull me every direction so I abide best alone
What’s wrong with having so many damn internal scars?
The problem is people can’t see them so they treat you like you don’t have any from near or far
I’m broken inside and it makes me want to bury myself in a cave and cry
Still with so many medications a facade of manic apathy is the best way for me to hide
It feels melancholy to write when I’m feeling so down.
Ever heard of creativity without some tears or frowns?
I lock myself up in a tower where everything can be predictable.
The routines quiet, peaceful and completely critical
For without my tea, books and night time meds
I’d be awake forever no matter the soft or firmness of the bed
My mind was a blender today and my teeth hurt from their grinding
My nap was through meditative sedation but late and not unwinding
I’m doing my best here trying to be perfectly honest, kind and true
Yet I hide most of my struggles from each and everyone of the best of you.
Sure it’s the great and epic World Wide Web.
Have enough bandwidth and people might like or star what you said.
I’m not pining for stars or reviews even if I appreciate being heard
I just wish life was simpler, humbler and we’d all have the kindness we deserved.
I’ll keep moving forward step by infuriatingly disappointing step.
Till one day I’ve reached the end some place I haven’t been to yet.
For now suffice it to say I’m neither overjoyed or happy.
My mind is in the ether the in between of several mental tragedies
I’m so sick and worn of being so internally damaged
That’s alright though, even if they can’t appreciate or see it, I still manage.