Triggered by Alejandro N. Marrero 5/13/2020

I read a book today and it reminded me of all the terrible thing they used to do and say
How mean they were to me because I was different how they cared for me less because I was simply gay
I went from having everything a kid needed in life, like warm linens a roof and kind dinners
To coming out and then being treat horribly, drugged, electro shocked, committed, thrown out and cursed as a sinner

I don’t understand the ignorance of then or now
How one can love a child so completely then when they’re not like you throw them the fuck out
Made me feel like all sorts of things were wrong with me when i was just a normal teen
It didn’t matter how much I loved them or how natural it was they just responded by being evil and mean

I saw the trigger warnings on the book before I started to read through the pages
But nothing could deter me from reading a book about angels, fantasy and alternate ages
When I was invested in the writings of the story and the character it possessed
I couldn’t help it one chapter broke me as everything done to the MC put my heart viced in arrest

Now I’ve taken medications because my past broke me for being true to myself
I wasn’t immoral or unnatural I was just different than them and was threatened with an or else
Now times have changed and people are educated or progressive
But it matters not when those triggers take over me that we’re so entirely consuming and oppressive

I hope one day I’ll forget every hurt that they did to me you see
I hope one day they’ll see there is more good than sin inside of people like me
Till then I’ll watch what I read and how I talk with them for I’ll never abandon my blood
I just can’t think of anything to hold back the tears of the triggers they’ve come and they’ve started a dry flood.

Please let the night be restful and peaceful
I’m been broken apart my flashbacks of evil steeples and supposedly pious people
I want silence, space and quiet to put myself slowly back together because no I didn’t want to remember.
To assure myself I’ve moved on so long ago and healed and things are truly now better.

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