Moon Tides by Alejandro N. Marrero 5/19/2020
There’s a force in my head that rushes powerfully in every possible direction
It builds then crests and can be possibly delusional or broken my adept precision
My mind is electrical, charged and filled with persistent chatter or unruly noise
I turn my attention to silence, laying still, body not moving to observe it’s rush of thoughts in barely contained poise
I try and follow all the directions and anchor my awareness to my breath or physical sensation but it makes everything louder in volume.
A deafening storm of a wild imagination where I seek shelter from it all searching for emptiness or that muted vacuum
They say that’s progress as now I clearly see the torrents of discursive thinking of past, present and a future of conceptual fabrication
It takes its toll though no matter the time, patience and strict breathing regimen
I want that flip of a switch that aha moment to lighten the load in my head
A button easily found that I can press to stop rewind, delete or reprogram the noise and find the space between thoughts instead
I took a lovely stroll last night I’ve been trying to be more physically active and ceaselessly productive
It was cloudy, quiet and dark yet it was mentally supportive and after a heavy meal proactive
I withdraw easily when I’m trying my best to be the better person
It’s not always the right path but something I feel by not reacting I’m instilling some balance and sagely reason
Everything I’ve read makes it sound either incredibly easy or difficult to self-help myself or others into happiness
Yet I genuinely fear that life’s become so complicated, my body too aged that it’s not easy at all which brings me a sense of failure and sadness
Is there no cure for what ails me, right where I am, no need to travel to conquer the madness?
What can one do to hold back an oceans roar inside ones head or an ever distracted mind?
How is anchoring my awareness to my breath going to be consistent, prevent me from drowning or hold back the heavy moon lifted tides?
I’ve heard many simple or profound answers or theories on how to let go and just completely be
Yet if I made any progress truly would the end result be peace or a person nowhere near remotely resembling the man who is now me?