Born to Die Atoned by Alejandro N. Marrero 7/1/2020

With a sparkle in my usually dim mind I reach out for those who’s lives I let take up residence, yes Residents, in my heart
I’m good at pretending I’m never bothered even if that may be true or not from the delayed or finished start
When I reach out it’s not without just cause or to be an envelope or amazon man
There isn’t a world where I feel comfortable especially in the usually trusted but easily disappointing hands

I’m a symbol of generosity wrapped in an impoverished clean reality
Yet people want the good ions from me but never the magnetic real rest of me
They want me when it’s easy or convenient for theirs or them
It doesn’t matter if I’m available for the world no matter how inconvenient or when

I’m that white flag tattooed to my overly generous and divided soul
Never make enough time for myself but yeah sure I’ll be your friend and console
It’s not fair that I’m available like a Walmart at three in the morning
It’s just noticeable when you can’t be bothered at just two hours past the suns two in waning

I’m a riddle that’s full of ups and hiccuping downs
People love to take take take and never help help help me feel safe or sound
I write too much, reply too fast or am too attentive on the fly
Yet when in counts and I reach out I just get back handed waves, closed doors and preemptive goodbyes

I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you even if I’ve lifted heavy things to your door
The thing about it is when I’ve given everything I have they only want me when I can give more
So keep to your schedules and convenient fabled lullabies
It’s not like when I call matters it’s only important when you need something or crash by

One day people will stop being around in my life or maybe I’ll just die
It won’t matter if I reach out or if I hide truly hidden possible allergic with a sigh inside
By then I’ll of built a moat around my fragile and senile frenzied heart
Let’s not pretend you or them were ever really there from the time it mattered or start

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