It’s Definitely You by Alejandro N. Marrero 7/6/2020

He says I’m emotionally bankrupt
Never knows what’s going on in my head or what involves us
It’s true I hesitated before I answered
It’s true I choose silence over reactions
Yet everything left of what he said was wrong
It’s not a lack of feelings it’s a lack of expressing anything that isn’t my being strong
I’ve got the same achievements as anyone who’s taken life’s gloriously relentless tests
It doesn’t matter how old or who came first or if I’m second best
My way of dealing is to let it simmer in my mind
I do this often because if words were first they’d not always be so kind
Here I am decades from then and the one thing an ex told me scolds me for I think ‘never again’
It makes me wonder if truly there’s a debt in my way of expressing emotions
If I’ve gotten accustomed to being disappointed so much I just ignore it and go through it’s transient motions
I do know the truth though
I feel and know what’s real and happening inside
It doesn’t matter what facade or expression your face makes intermittently between the ever present sighs
If I react now I remember I’ll be punished for these feelings
Way worse than if I say what my mind has lost its way and reeling
So when they say I’m emotionally bankrupt and don’t know how I feel
Chances are they broke my trust and made me hesitant to express what truly was in the heart’s own deal
I’m not a wizard or some twenty sided dice that hit the twenties more than twice
I’m just a person who’s good at pausing because I’d prefer to always be what’s genuine or at least what’s nice
So as you sit there reminiscing about me and us and what it could’ve been
Remember you’re the one that judged, cheated and left me way back when.

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