Bind My Hands by Alejandro N. Marrero 7/14/2020

I held enough guilt without your visited and shaking proclamations
No matter how good my hospitality or my consistently wholesome intentions
Providing sanctuary for those who tilted sideways before they left your care
I offered my home, gardens, laughter and things apparently offensive for an hour and change unawares

As usual I’ve no spine for moments of unexpected confrontations
I submit easily for peace and easier existences despite consequences
Yet, you’ve made me choose between them or him and you
Would that make it easier when it’s no one I dare want to lose?

I’m a compassionate heart surrounded by fractured beautiful people
It matters only when I agree, am a convenience or do you bow down to your false steeples
What if your anger was pointed the epic and clearly wrong way?
What if it wasn’t my fault they lied and fictioned their own ways to behave?

I’ve got enough trauma to write some epic ballad or profound symphony
A compilation of good, bad, dark and light haunting melodies
You’ve struck a chord in the very heart of dear me
Made me do the dirty work, be the bad guy when I was barely even as guilty

Like all things that hurt me I’m consumed now by ever present fire
It burns my mind up with dwellings of sorry I’ve never truly desired
Yet giving it time seems the answer to everything and all
Then why does my submission make it easier for others but not me who always takes the fall?

I’m at this peak of descent where the lava is deadly every place I dare step
But I’m fire incarnate you ignited this with determinedly wrathful intents
I’ll step carefully as my skin molts to amber and fiery hues
My body and mind transforming into what will save me from your unmindfully polluted dues

I’ve held enough guilt before your riddles and expressions of mind
I didn’t need to be told what was wrong one look of your face that night and I knew without need to remind
You’ve had a past and you worry I’m being manipulated or taken advantage of
Yet my heart was only conflicted when you made me choose how and who to love

Now sit on your throne and dissect all you can recollect with no sober memory’s regret
For you got your wish and indeed what we sow we now unwillingly collect
Neither of us has more blame than each or any other
We just focus our ire at anyone who isn’t a true elder or brother

I’m that person impaled by the well intended sharpness of your words and deeds
It’s matters not to anyone as long as everyone gets what they think they deserve or needs
Still as the fires escape the tinder and have burned through my bones and fragile flesh
I wonder if it was worth it to make decisions for me and everyone that you alone feel was best.

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