Late Motivations by Alejandro N. Marrero 8/24/2020

I have this affliction it’s made of discursive thoughts inside my head
It’s a common unenlightened circumstance that makes me cling to things not let them go instead
I’m a person, yes ordinary but I’ve met some Lamas in this life do you know how rare that is?
To live and be considered well enough alive yet, wanting my mental battles to be over so I can achieve some bliss inside
There’s a part of me that’s always fighting and it runs real fast to hide
However, because of my composure and strong will I pretend it’s gone and never cry
The truth is I’m feeling crowded and when I’m not I feel so unequivocally alone
These are feelings that arose swiftly after abandoning the peaceful path I was decades ago shown
I’m not a genius when it comes to grammar it’s hard for me to find the proper words
There’s an elegance to trying anyways and doing our best is always well deserved
I have these mental illnesses they’re hard to hide and truth be told affect the world
Still I’ve found the remedies to cure them but it would take a one way trip I’m told
No, no stop. I don’t speak of ending life because I know it’s precious and full of boundless potential
I just think I’m tired of this mundane day to day and would rather leave on a spiritual adventure.
I was younger then and my mind was a sponge for mantras, prayers, sutras and chants
Now I’ve grown forgetful and stopped that daily prayerful dance
However just recently someone organically walked into my life
Thy think I’m wise and smart and they mean it they haven’t lied
It makes me want to be a better person, more humble and definitely kind
It makes me want to give up everything and finally make proper use of my time
Somehow I need to find myself worthy and sacrifice things like smoke or wine
I need to walk more mindfully and follow the five precepts all day even when I dine
This path of liberation the one that frees forever the boundless nature of our mind
It’s found in renunciation and it costs a lot when you give so much away even if it’s worth more than a dime
I want to leave and fulfill a purpose that’s greater than myself.
Yet here in the states were trapped because of pandemics and traveling restrictions from hell
I just want my temples back to be at blessed teachers and guided retreats and shrines
To be there in person, to possibly live there and become a Buddha not the next life but this time
I know the medicine and the cures are hard but I’ve got to find a way
To leave everything I know so I can return to the path that guides and lights the ways
I have this affliction it’s made of discursive thoughts inside my head
They’re between each unmindful breath and prevent me from sleeping in my bed.

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