Divided I Try by Alejandro N. Marrero 10/10/2020

There is no picking sides when choosing the will to survive
There’s no magic fix to the things that make life worth to live
Money it’s imperative if you have it, if not how will you eat
Still, that meat came from somewhere and it was killed that creature isn’t cheap and doesn’t sleep
I’m split down the middle perfectly torn in two
One side is holy the other side is fevered dark and blue
I’m not a danger to myself or others but existence isn’t satisfying unless you thrive
I don’t think it’s good enough to live just barely for the innate primal will to survive
There’s a wasp in my room and it will eventually want to eat
It will keep me and itself up till one of us admits defeat
I have treasure in my heart but too many obstacles to get to it
I can feel that center spark but there’s too many things we’d need to give up in life to get to it
Recently I was told that suffering has one good quality
That it makes us yearn and search for the true and right remedies. This May be true, it would explain the fractured heart that’s divided or split into two
Still, my minds a tug of war and it seems that other people hold the razored ends
Pulling me this way and that way till I’m stuck strained in pain in the middle again
How lovely and kind I am no matter how much people hurt me
How horrible and cruel that I feel I don’t deserve these
I’m a riddle inside a box that was thrown long long ago into the trenches of the oceans
I’d love to find the answer but I’m broken and just going through the abnormal motions
There’s no picking sides when picking and choosing reasons to survive
I’m torn right down the center depends who asking if I’m truly alright
People love to throw words of support like automated prerecorded responses
People are usually the first ones to break you and all their supposed empty promises
There’s a treasure in my heart and I’d love it claw my way in to get it back
Forget for once that side of me that’s always in one second from attack
Still, I’m not like everyone else I know how to unlock the vice around my mind
It would take funding and a trek endlessly long that would leave so many behind
I cannot do that I’m honor bound to suffer for I hear it brings us closer to the divine
Yet, there’s a line you’ve drawn there that I can’t get it out of my mind
So I’ll hold this precious treasure that’s unreachable in current circumstances in my chest
While smiling when it’s needed, gifted at pretending, while the world gets to thrive, survive and rest
How lovely and kind I am no matter how much people hurt me in jest
How horrible and cruel that I feel I do deserve this
I’m a riddle in a box that was lost in the trenches of the vastness of our oceans
I’d love to find the answer but I’m divided, broken and just going through the automated motions

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