Fears for tears by Alejandro N. Marrero 10/24/2020

I’d love to be your holy but I’ve got my own sins to forgive
I’d love to be full and never lonely and truth is that’s how I feel within
There’s a tear in my eye and for the life of me I couldn’t tell you a single reason why
Not, because there isn’t things to cry about it’s just there are too many to count tonight
Sometimes I let my mind dream and soar to lands so pure shadows are never known
Sometimes I dwell on the ugliness of pasts, pains, lies, sufferings and things common or unknown.
I’d love to be your friend but I’ve no idea how to pretend.
You’d get sick of hearing my theologies and would of left me way back when
I wonder around this world of ours knowing we’re all sick inside our minds
Wishing I was back in my twenties with a memory that was better at that time
The truth is I write because it’s frightening how much and how easy I forget
Calm yourself don’t worry I haven’t given up not quite yet
The thing is there’s nothing monetary that can make me happy
No fiscal gift to take away pains or grant me joys
All I really want is a teacher, to be the student and stop all this useless noise
Life isn’t like that it’s never easy and the times are perfect for excuses
You can be an extrovert on the right or the introvert on the left it’s you that chooses
Sometimes I think my mind is so worthy of preservation that I write these thoughts unscripted
Sometimes I think my mind is an enemy and if caught I’d for sure be convicted
I’ve reached a state in my life where nothing is truly satisfying me but writing, studying and meditating
We’ve reached a state in our plight where people ignore us because they prefer us to sit here pay them and keep us waiting
The truth is I work hard we all do in one form or another
I just don’t want to leave this earth unless my minds in a peace or cognitive eternal slumber
I’d love to be holy but every good place to go to learn to has closed there doors
I’d love to leave this country because I’m tired of giving, trying and being here ignored.
So everyday I give a piece of myself away to a past I’d rather not dwell on
Everyday I pine for a present where I’d have my teachers present to depend on
Technology has killed our minds as much as it has harmed our lands
Screens made of burned sands and batteries from poisoned toxic blooded hands
There’s a mess of letters here and maybe a line or two that makes sense
Can’t get a refund but it’s free nothing really was truly spent
I want to rid myself of my self and be selfless and free of the ego
Maybe then wings of compassion and kindness would sprout let my fly and yes higher than the eagles
This illness is not just a virus that kills people with flu like symptoms or fevered congested chests
The virus is our own mind we’re truly wicked, attached, ignorant and the actual sickness
I can conjure words that make more sense but you’d have to deposit an additional dollar for an extra minute
That’s how the world is now it’s either money money money or your not worthy of being in it
I’d love to be holy and live purely in the pristine awareness of mind
To live simply in a cave until enlightenment was finely bestowed and divine
Unfortunately I’m ignored often and attachments spring from everywhere when I have time.
My mind would be an ocean if these days enlightenment didn’t cost so many dimes.

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