Anxiety’s Monster by Alejandro N. Marrero 11/28/2020

It starts with the grinding of my back teeth
A jaw sore from nightmare filled sleep
I feel anxiety’s claws rip through me as it starts
It slices my shoulders my back and sore heart
I want to be free of this feverish disease
The chronic king of terror that’s within all of me
It starts like everything does with a dread in the air
It’s an overwhelming sense of shattered spirit inside, yes, ah, right there.
I don’t recognize myself for this feeling used to be so foreign
It began long ago and it’s easier to pretend it’s not roaring
My panics a wreck and my heal swirls in turmoil
My body shakes, quivers and muscles feel coiled
A nightmare has stolen my voice and a moment ago clear mind
It’s bathed me in shadows leaving peace far far behind
I don’t want this any of this please just please let me go
It laughs with its silence as terror takes a firmer hold
I’ve fallen to my knees now what a convenient position to pray
How many wishes would be granted to make this go away
It starts with the toxins that flow through my veins
A chemical imbalance some would even say insane
Still, how does one reason with this monster and its claws
The one that’s on the inside the one that hurts my jaw
I’m surrounded by endless fields of irises but I feel like the swampy soil
My surrounded beautiful can’t stop my growing inner turmoils
I don’t want any of this please, just please let me go
I plead and I beg yet there’s no peace or angels that show
The claws have sunk deep into my sore knotted back
My pulse quickens god please not another panic attack
With trembling hands I reach for those pills
Count them to make sure it’s the right dose and refills
I swallow them with chamomile hoping the caress of serenity flows with it down
Somehow immune it still takes forever to calm the hell down
Finally, the monster is subdued the medicine has kicked in
Though I’m tired and sore at least this fight I did win
Adrenaline waning and so it deepens
It begins in my jaw with the grinding of my teeth
It’s an anxiety that steals my peace, happiness and all of my sleep
It may be a shadow gone in the light
Still, I’ve done this dance before it returns every night.

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