Photo by Michael Dawson

Under Skin by Alejandro N. Marrero

Each day a battle as I’m possessed against my will
I’m haunted by memories and tremors that hurt me even when I’m still
I can be on my back looking at the endless expanse of stars
I can be a passenger watching the traffic and the people drive their cars
Inside me is a terror, it comes and goes when it pleases like an evil ghost
What hurts me more than anything is that no one sees it yet I feel it the most
Each day can be sunshine and rainbows if I somehow got some sleep
Still, even on the best days the possession invades my body plunging itself so deep
I’m not a monster but one has taken root inside my chemistry, musculature and mind
It doesn’t let me sleep, eat or behave regularly all the flipping time
My dog she knows I know she does because she quickly tries to chase the demons away
Sometimes she’s even successful as service dogs have their compassionately gifted ways
I’m tired of being broken by thing or series of things that happened so long ago
I don’t know what was the tipping point the straw that broke my back or flow
Now I’m stuck with a demon inside me that needs mindfulness and pills to subdue
It’s not very fair when really I just want to do all the things everyone else finds easy to do
I’m not everyone though and this panic, this dread it’s real and not just in my head
It even knots my shoulders while I’m doing nothing but reading quietly in bed
I suffer from an ailment that there truly is no cure but medicated comas or endless time
It’s not fair that it prevents me from making more than just a few dimes
I’m brilliant I’m not boasting I’m incredibly capable at least I was before
Now I’ve kept the knowledge but my demons haunt me and never let me go
Everyone is fighting a battle that others can’t always see
They say this often to most of us but in the end we all think the same thing ‘why me?’

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